


I haunt these halls

by Butterhawk



Category: 3:10 to Yuma (2007)
Genre: Bible, Kissing, Longing, M/M, Profanity, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:13:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28835421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterhawk/pseuds/Butterhawk
Summary: Dan survived the ordeal only to end up miserable but then comes opportunity.  (I suck at writing these things)
Relationships: Dan Evans & Ben Wade, Dan Evans/Ben Wade
Kudos: 7





	I haunt these halls

Things seldom work out the way you plan. You hold on to your compass and you navigate the best you can through the rough sea that is life. Sooner or later, you just have to accept that although you can wish for things; God is the one who decides if and when to give. 

And he ain’t the merciful type. 

Happiness was when he met Alice. She had a certain glow back then, one that went fainter and fainter until one day it was gone. She was still the most beautiful woman he had seen, but he knew he had ruined her. Damned her to a hard life full of poverty and fear. 

He should not have gone back to her after losing that foot, but she had been with a child then and that was that.   
No good man leaves a woman to fend for herself. 

William had brought joy back to their lives. He had been an easy child, easy to love and easy to satisfy. But their lives had made him hard and he had started asking questions that he couldn’t answer. 

Mark had been a sensitive soul, always measuring himself in the eyes of others.   
He had loved them all. Even when he had waved Alice and William off at the train station, they had buried Mark the day before. 

He had given Alice more than half of the money he had earned; getting Ben Wade on that train to Yuma. She had nursed him back to health, she had stayed at his side long enough. She deserved a better life. She and William. He was to become a lawyer, she had said. Not a darn farmer, like him. She hadn’t said it out loud but the meaning was clear in her eyes. A resentment he eventually had started to feel for himself too. 

At least the farm was his to squander as he saw fit. There was no point in toiling without a purpose. No point in planning for the future even if ‘Idle hands are the devil's workshop and idle lips are his mouthpiece.’  
He didn’t think there was a spot in heaven for him anyhow. 

Dan Evans had become something else. A ghost haunting his lands. People who saw him usually turned the other way. It was true that he had been some kind of hero but no one could remember why.   
Sometimes he was visited by Grayson Butterfield from the Pinkertons, but those times had become less frequent and far between as the months had gone by. 

Dan wasn’t bitter, he just didn’t have any more fucks to give. 

It was late in the evening when it suddenly knocked on the old door. 

The sun had been down for a few hours already and he had been content with sitting in the rocking chair he had placed in front of the fireplace. 

There wasn’t much furniture left after Alice and even less now that he had used some for firewood when he had been too drunk to go outside and fetch some from the dwindling pile. 

The nights were becoming colder and he knew he had to get more wood soon or start to freeze in a way not even whiskey could hide. He grabbed the Springfield-rifle that stood in a corner and slowly closed the distance to the door.   
A revolver or a pistol would have been better at this proximity but Dan always went with the cards he’d been dealt. 

He didn’t have a need to be paranoid anymore. The farm was his. But friends seldom knocked this late at night and he was beyond weary.   
So he grabs a light in his other hand, knowing full well that he needs both hands to properly shoot, unbar the door, and lets it slowly open with a groan. 

He didn’t think he’d ever see Ben Wade again but there he is! The renowned gunslinger - in the flesh and on his doorstep. 

Why?

“You here to finish me off, Mr Wade?”

“Goodness gracious, Dan. Does that sound like me?”

“Yeah...” Evans pushed the door wider with the rifle and Ben gave the weapon a narrow glance while standing his ground. 

“Well… I’m not? Here for that particular reason, that is. Are your wife and kids home mayhaps?”

Dan could feel a shiver pass through him even though they weren’t and hadn’t been for months.   
If they were, what would Ben Wade do with them? Kill them? Take Alice with him and would she have gone? Taken the chance to be free of him and try her luck with someone else. Outlaw or not. 

Ben had said Dan didn’t take care of her as he should and Evans reckons he had been right about that. Seeing as she left and all. 

She sure had been a sight when he first had rested his eyes upon her. She still was, he guessed. She hadn’t sent him any pictures, just a short letter informing him they had arrived.

“No. Alice left me long ago now. Took William with her too. 

“That’s a real shame, Dan. How about the button, Mark?” 

“Consumption took him.”

“Now, I’m real sorry about that, but are you going to let me in?” 

Evans scratched his chin. It was getting dark fast and so he ought to. At the same time, he was uncomfortable with having company now that he was used to being alone and Ben seemed just too darn antsy. 

“What is it you want, Mr Wade? I ain’t got any of that money left.”

“I already know that, Dan. I came because I wanted to see you.”

Him? Why? Ben sounded sincere enough and there had been plenty of times when the gunslinger has occupied his mind. There had been an understanding between them, one that did not need any words. Sitting with Wade had been comforting, easy; like falling asleep with a clear conscience, like ‘come hell or high water’ - he would be just fine. 

Like praying in church. 

Dan understood the profanation of the thought yet he couldn’t stop himself. There was just something about Ben that seemed to defy the laws of nature. No matter what life threw at him, he always seemed to come out on top. Like it was meant to be. Like he was blessed. 

“How did you know I was above ground, Mr Wade?”

Ben shrugged, he was still outside, and now that Dan’s eyes were getting used to the dark he could see a strange horse being hitched close to the barn, the saddle was already taken off.   
“I read the articles. You were quite famous there for a while. ‘The man who lived!’ Refusing interviews that could have made you a wealthy finefied man. Pray tell, why did you turn those down?”

He had thought about it but it hadn’t felt right. Ben had been more like a friend than a job, in the end, he had even been glad when words reached him of Ben’s escape. Even though it did tarnish himself somewhat like a failure. 

“You can’t put a price on honour.” 

“Oh, so it was honour holding you back? Maybe even modesty? There was your chance to play the real hero, Dan. Not just some man getting his beetle-stomper shot off while trying to escape the brutality of the battle.” 

“You be quiet, Ben!”

The gunslinger smirked and tilted his head, pleased that he had made Dan say his name instead of the ‘Mr. Wade’-bullshit.   
“‘An honest answer is the sign of true friendship’.” He quoted and when he let himself in Dan didn’t stop him. 

Wade looked like he had been eating well, his face had colour and his clothes fit him nicely, grey shirt and west under a black jacket. He even seemed to wear the same hat even though Dan knew that had to be impossible. 

Evans on the other hand looked haggard. His clothes hung off his lanky body and it didn’t look like he had a proper meal in weeks. Ben even sighed now that he could inspect the damage in a better light.   
“Look at you, don’t you know how to take care of yourself without a woman?” 

Dan shrugged and walked back to the fire, figuring it was the warmest room to talk, anyway. Whatever it was that Ben needed to get off his chest; he could do so there. He was itching for Wade to leave. At the same time; he wanted him to stay. To maybe settle down there, with him?

It was an insane idea, it defied all that was right and holy. They could never be friends, they could never be anything really.   
He should make Ben leave his home and never come back, yet there they were: like opposite sides of a coin. He wanted something he didn’t even know how to describe in a better way than ‘being able to fill his lungs without coughing’. A small but vital part of living instead of just getting by - which is what he had been doing lately. 

“I got beans and a dry loaf of bread, let me feed you something before you start attracting vultures. Sit, sit, I’m sure I can find things You don’t seem to have a whole lot…”

“Alice—“

“Yeah, I get it. Did she leave you before or after you were well enough to walk?”

It’s an odd question. Ben didn’t even turn from the stove to look at him. His shoulders were tense and he had folded his arms up when Dan wasn’t paying attention. Was he angry? Why or how did it matter?

“After. Alice is a good woman.” He leaned back towards the opposite wall but was still just within arm's reach of Wade. The cabin had always been small. Two grown men didn’t make it less so. 

“She took the money”

“I gave her the money. She had earned them.”

“By nursing you back to health? I thought that was included in the ‘in sickness and health’-part.”

“Why don’t you just come out and say it, whatever it is, instead of implying things like an old woman?” Evans scoffed. He didn’t much like Ben putting shame on Alice, not when he clearly could see why; Wade wanted her for himself. 

“Because you deserve to be treated better than that. You des—“

A knock on the door startled them both. Wade pulled his gun out but Dan gestured to him to find cover before grabbing his rifle. “Who is it?!”

“I know it’s late, Mr Evans but it’s me, sheriff Wilkins and Mr Doe.”

He sounded calm enough and Dan moved over to open up. Outside the two younger men stood with lanterns and their revolvers were in their holsters. Evans sighed when he saw Joe Wilkins's eyes travel down to his missing foot. Like usual. 

“There have been reports of a wanted man being seen in these parts, Mr Evans. Have you seen anything out of the ordinary?”

The evening air was filled with the promise of rain and he could smell the flowers from the garden Alice had left behind.   
There was nothing ordinary about tonight. 

“Who is it?”

“A very bad man, Mr Evans. “ he sounded much like the young boy he looked like and Dan shifted to get less weight on his stump. It always aches when they expect rain. 

“Do you need my help?”

“No. No, I reckon we’ll be fine without it, Mr Evans. You have a good night now.” They bowed their heads in goodbye and Evans closed the door. 

“Such rascals. Don’t they know it was you who took down ‘the very bad’-Wade?” Ben came out from the bedroom, he had holstered his weapons and looked far too pleased with the whole thing.   
”Right, chow.” He turned back to the stove and Dan put his rifle back in the corner before returning to the same wall he had leaned on before. 

What had they been talking about?

What he deserved?

“Why do you care what happens to me?...”

Ben divides the cooked beans on to two plates and then tore the bread in half. “Have any butter, Dan? Or is that something else that Alice provided you with?”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Dan pulled out two chairs at the rickety dinner table that Alice had deemed too ugly to take with her. 

Ben avoids his gaze only to sit. He combs his lush locks from his face with his fingers before he starts ripping off small pieces of bread to scoop up the beans, ignoring Dan’s pause to say grace. 

“This place here is death. There is nothing for you here, Dan. You should come with me.” Wade gracefully holds his spoon. He looked dignified even though he probably murdered many more than he could remember. 

Dan knows he ought to say no but when it comes to Ben it’s like he can’t help himself.   
“Where?” It’s not a ‘yes’ but it’s not a ‘no’ either. He knows he ought to decline the gunslinger, just as he should have left him outside. He was even given a second chance by that new sheriff, yet he held his tongue. 

It’s almost biblical in a way. Here was his third one yet he kept his mouth shut. He can’t disown Ben anymore than he can disown the Lord.   
Something is happening but he doesn’t know what, he can't even see it. He just knows that he won’t remain the same come morning. 

“I have a ranch down in Mexico. It’s not operational at the moment but it works for horses as well as cows. Whatever you want…”

“Whatever I want?” What’s happening here? Is he being bought? “If this is about Ali—“

“Forget Alice!” Ben’s fist hits the table causing Dan to jump in his seat. Something is clearly bothering him as well and Dan lowers his gaze before Wade suddenly gets up and yanks him up by his collar. 

The wall knocks some of the wind right out of him and it takes him a moment to regain his senses and to notice the gunslinger biting and kissing his neck.   
Surreal mortification courses through him and he tries shoving Ben away, at the same time his body is lit on fire and he feels weak like some tiny damsel in the arms of Ben Wade, trembling with sick need.

He hears himself moan before getting his impulses under control. “Ben… stop… Ben! Ben stop it!”

“Stop?”

”Yeah…”  
His voice was a lot softer than he had intended and he was still holding on to the shirt covering Ben’s arms. Clinging to it like a tree in a storm. 

”I… I can’t. I need to have you and I aim to. I can’t stop thinking about you. It is slowly but surely driving me insane.” He closed his eyes before taking a deep breath to steady himself but growled when he continued. “Just who’s fault is this anyway? So righteous, always talking about ‘honour’ and ‘the right thing to do’. You’re the one who made me want you in the first place!” 

He shoved Evans against the wall again but stepped away with a scoff, leaving the direct proximity of the malnourished farmer like he didn’t trust himself. 

“I made you?! How?! We’re both men, Wade! I have not been going round; courting you! I wouldn’t even—” know where to start? Or had he given his thoughts away? Those of comfort and need, surely not of lust? Had he been lusting?

He had not been intimate with Alice for many years. He knew some men went to a Bed-House to see to that ‘itch’ but not Dan. Never Dan. 

“I had to shoot Charlie Prince! You owe me.”

Maybe he should have? But how would he have been able to ever look Alice in the eyes of he had? Lovemaking was hallowed. Something for husband and wife only.

“ I owe you? I owe you what?! Just what was that boy to you anyway?” It dawns on him as he says it and he winces. Had it been the same between Ben and Prince? This feeling of home that he shared or thought he shared with the outlaw 

Of course it had! Why else would Prince follow him so? Why would any of them if not for the fact that Ben felt special as well as made others feel special? What was he with the other men but not like Jesus and his disciples? 

It hurts just thinking about it. 

Had Wade and Prince...  
Dan told himself that it didn’t matter. Because that kind of brotherly affection was wrong and sinful. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Dan.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m twistical. Charlie Prince was nothing to me but a diversion, yes he did follow me around like a lost puppy but so does young men tend to do when they meet something bigger and scarier than them. You are no puppy, Dan. What you and I share is something else. Something more. You’re my Antinous.” 

His what? Evans frowned

Wade fixed him with his blue eyes; like he wanted to make sure that Dan really got it. 

Which he doesn’t.   
Evans doesn’t even know what to say. It’s clearly something that means something important to Ben, important enough to that the gunslinger sighs. 

“There are more books out there than the bible, Dan.” Ben sits down to eat again but it takes a while for Evans to collect himself enough to be able to do the same and lift his spoon without it shaking. 

What’s really going on here? Is he drunk again? Is he sitting in his piss and dreaming about Wade? It wouldn’t be the first time. 

“I'm only going to give you the night, Dan. I’ll be going in the morning and I’m hoping you will be going with me. Now, I don’t claim to know the bible like you but isn’t there a passage saying: ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ Hmm?” Eyes sparkle in amusement and Dan slowly shakes his head. 

“That’s Genesis two eighteen and I think it’s referring to a- ah- a woman.”

“Doesn’t have to, they don’t exactly specify it, do they?” He smiles, pleased that he at least found something Dan could understand, and has a hard time arguing against and scoops up the last of his beans.

Dan takes his time, savours it, or at least he tells himself that he does as his brain tries to catch up and break through the haze of alcohol that has been clinging to him lately.   
Where was Ben going to sleep? Williams old bed should suffice, it was tall enough. Or did he expect anything else? Did he want anything else?

Oh god almighty.  
He did. 

And he didn’t.

He clears his throat, “This ranch of your’s…”

“Ourn.” Ben quickly corrects him. Our ranch, where he and the gunslinger would play Big Sugars’?

The air is thick like they both know what is about to happen but none of them wants to be the one who takes the first step. Ben wants Dan to come by himself, Dan wants Ben to take charge while using that honey tongue of his to paint the harsh reality in a different light.   
Evans leans against the doorframe as Ben collects the dishes and puts them in a bucket to be washed later. Alice would have water boiled and ready, but none of them was her. 

Wade then turns and just looks at him like he’s waiting then he sighs and softly shakes his head, the thick golden strands gleaming in the light from the sooty lanterns.   
“Where am I sleeping, Dan? On the floor? Not very hospitable of you.”

“Oh. No-no, erm… you eh,”  
“I sleep in Williams bed. Got it.” It didn’t sting, he had expected it after all, But he couldn’t say he wasn’t disappointed. Evans needed time, he just had to be patient.  
Something he seldom was. 

The bedrooms were divided by an old quilt hanging from a rope. Dan and Alice had talked about giving William some more personal space but it had always seemed like a luxury they didn’t afford. If he wanted space he could marry and build his farm. That’s what Dan had thought, Alice had always coddled with their firstborn

Now though, Evans wished he had put up something more than just a quilt. There was just some fabric between him and Ben now. He had listened when the other man had undressed, the jacket and the west, the weapon belt and the boots, probably even the outer trousers. Dan remembered the heat of another body, the feeling of it next to him, an arm slung over his chest.   
The sounds. According to those; Ben wasn't sleeping either. 

Dan tried though, he tossed and turned, sighing and grunting.   
It was a test, surely God was testing his resolve? His willingness to throw away the old for something new and unexplored, something possibly unsafe.   
Wade didn’t feel like a tempting devil though, he felt like one step closer to Heaven. 

“Ben?”

He didn’t need to say any more for the other man to be over him like a warm breath of wind, filling him up with warmth and life. 

Had it ever felt like this with Alice? It must have, he had loved her deeply. No, he still loved her he corrected himself. 

It was easy manoeuvring Dan. He was thin and weak, sharp angles and protruding cheekbones. He was gaunt when Ben wanted curves and meat. But this was something deeper than just lust. He felt Dan owed him and that there had been something profound between them. Something sacred - like being with the other man was being closer to god. 

The kisses were one-way at first, Evans was rigid or scrabbling back before he seemed to sigh and just give in. He parted his lips for the outlaw, moaned against the tongue that intruded into his mouth and cursed softly when he felt his pulse quicken. 

It was not supposed to be this way with a man. 

“Why though..?” He manages to ask. 

“Why what?” Ben turned him around and pressed him against the mattress before he pulled Dan’s shirt up and raised it over his back. 

He caressed it with his fingertips at first, causing Evans to shutter, then flattened his calloused hands and worshipped what he could reach, moving in closer as he embraced him from behind to feel the shivering muscles in his stomach. 

“Why me?...”

“You know why, we belong together. You’re mine.” 

“Yours…?” But he couldn’t think anymore and pressed his forehead to the pillow, closed his eyes and tried to swallow the saliva that gathered in the mouth. He couldn’t remember when he had felt so turned on before, so afraid. 

His long johns were pulled down and pooled around his thin legs. Was Ben watching him? Inspecting him like he was a worn sack of tatoes.   
“Ben…”

“Shhh, let me enjoy this.” He moved his right hand down over his slim buttocks, around to the top of his thigh and Dan shivered. Ben’s breath was warm against his neck, causing the small hairs to stand on his body. 

When a hand gripped his already stiff cock; Evans thought he was going to start bawling. His eyes burned and his whole body felt enveloped. He couldn’t hold himself up so Ben turned them both to the side, he spooned Dan from behind while gently tugging on the weeping member as the gaunt man panted and sniffled like he didn’t know what he wanted. 

This was euphoria, the blessed feeling Dan was sure existed only amongst the angels above.   
He didn’t last very long but they stayed together on the bed. Ben seemed to claim everything he touched and his hands were greedy, not missing even an inch of skin.   
He brushed Dan’s hair behind his ear, ran the tip of his nose along with the outer shell of Evans' ear.   
“You’re coming with me tomorrow, I’m not leaving you here.”

Maybe Ben was expecting him to argue or sprout some nonsense but all he had the strength to do was nod into his pillow “That’s fine.” 

He can’t remember what he dreamt about, his sleep had been heavy and he awoke in the same position he had fallen asleep in, the linen caked with his dry semen. He frowned in slight disgust and rubbed his eyes. Had it all been a wet dream?

It wouldn’t surprise him and nor should it. It had been too blasphemous and just too darn delightful. Like nothing that would even happen to him. 

He got up, fixing his shoes and the false limb and scratched his back before limping to the kitchen. It always took him a while to get used to the wear and tear of the prosthetic every morning. He grabbed a bucket, should probably get some water not only for coffee but also to wash his shame off before getting his trousers back on. And the bed, he should clean the sheets. Alice would ha—   
But Alice wasn’t here.

There are voices outside of the house and he is about to fetch his rifle when he recognizes the first, then the other.

Dang.

Opening the door he can see Wade with his revolver pointed at the young sheriff who made the mistake of taking his eyes off the bandit as Evans walked out which could have cost him his life. Had he been unlucky. 

Ben did not, meaning he trusted Dan not to shoot him? In the back at least.

“I should have realized it before, the unfamiliar horse, it wouldn’t have gone and hitched himself there abisselfa.” The young sheriff muttered. He had his gaze lowered but one could still see the flushed cheeks and throat in the bleak morning light. He was embarrassed. Hell, Evans would have been mortified. 

“Yes, you should, and as I recall, Mr Evans even offered to help you catch me.” 

“All the while having you cashed up in his cabin… I should have known.” He almost spat the words out while growing angrier and angrier, chasing away the feelings that wanted him to curl up as a small boy.

“Known what? That you’re incompetent? That you’re a complete failure and the only reason why you managed to be sheriff here for so long is that Mr Wade had me sent off to Yuma? Or that you would be killed, due to that addle head of yours?” Scoffed the gunslinger while never taking his gun off the youngling. 

“Ben, no. We could just leave, now, like this. You don’t need to shoot him.” Evans argued, he tried grabbing Wade’s shoulder but was shrugged away and shook his head while taking a step back. He was not getting into an argument with Ben again, not over this fool and not in his underwear. 

“I know I don’t need to, I sure want to do though...” He answered stiffly, his voice was almost a growl and Dan couldn’t understand what he had done wrong so early in the morning.

“You listen to your friend now, Mr Wade!”

“Or what?” He challenged. He then spoke over his shoulder to Dan, still trained on the sheriff whose weapons were on the ground and lay a kick away from him. He had messed up.  
“I think it’s time for us to absquatulate. Take what you can’t live without and take the sheriffs horse— “

“Hey!” The third interrupted, seeming to have forgotten he had his hands up in the air for a reason. “My ma…! My ma got me that horse.”

“You tell your ma she doesn’t know shit about horses and that you’re better off without this one.“

“That’s hoity-toity if I even heard it!” Spat the younger as Evans walked in to get some things. When he came back out again the sheriff was still bellyaching and Ben seemed to be as amused as he was irritated and just let him go on.

“Have you even read the bible, sheriff? I admit it’s a bit slow in the start but some of the stories can be quite entertaining.”

“Quit your profanation, Wade. The bible is not meant to entertain its readers but to teach right from wrong.” Dan chided as he went towards the saddled horse.

“Yes, yes. Do you need help mounting that crowbait?”

Dan shot him a pointed glance. He could manage just fine by himself and Dan knows it. Besides, he was high on the rush and adrenaline of the situation, half expecting to wake up in his bed any second now.

“You do this, Mr Evans, and you will be registered as an outlaw. I will personally see to it!” Wilkins tried, he had somehow found some courage and was now using it in trying to seem confident and authoritative. 

It did make Dan freeze up though. He had always tried doing what was best for everyone, what was lawful, and now he was throwing away his pride? He could have just spoken with those magazines then and gotten more money out of it. He could have started his way into sin with a pocket full of actual.

What would Alice say, or William for that matter? He might ruin their future, they could end up hating him even more. 

He took one look at Wade who seemed to read it all and suddenly the revolver went off. It hit Wilkins in the shoulder and he spiralled to the ground, shouting as he clutched the wound. 

“Look at me, Dan.”

When Evans tore his eyes from the sheriff and instead looked at Ben then that gun was pointed at him and he felt his hands clenched shut around the reins. 

“You are coming with me. I am not leaving you here. Do you understand me or do I need to shoot you as well?”

“I will see you hanged, Wade! You bastards! I will ge—” Wilkins shouted with a groan of pain and went limp as soon as he was shot again, this time in his head and Dan had to divert his gaze while covering his mouth. Ben mounted his horse and chirked it forward before jerking the reins out of Dan’s shaking hands. They looked thin and pale, spindly almost and he tried focusing on them instead of what was going on around him.

“If it makes you feel better then you can always pretend to be my prisoner. Unwilling and forced to come along. Whatever soothes that conscience of yours, either way, you are mine.” He holstered his weapon before adding with a grin, “Now let’s get going, we have a train to catch.”

**Author's Note:**

> This took forever to finish and it's not even that long! I have been having health issues on and off and I'm not entirely satisfied but here it goes.


End file.
